But some may deflect honest answers by saying the usual, like," Good looks, sense of humor". Well now we have the answer – and it’s nothing to do with Jennifer Aniston or Ryan Reynolds. But if you’re tempted to try, then persevere – for if you get through all 36, as psychologist Arthur Aron mooted in his original 1997 experiment, then you greatly enhance the probability of forging a lasting relationship with your partner.
” (question 24) and even, “When did you last cry in front of another person – or by yourself? The questions, which are designed to foster intimacy by creating an atmosphere of mutual vulnerability, become increasingly probing, taking us beyond the limits of our everyday, sharing-things-with-strangers-at-the-bus-stop comfort barriers.
Unsurprisingly, it’s easy to exchange musings about the weather, but much more intimidating to swap stories about your “secret hunch about how you will die” (question 7) or “the last time you sang to yourself – or to someone else” (question 5).
According to some relationship experts this is the most important question to ask on a first date.
Once this is asked, it is out there, making it evident to you what you are getting into. In your profile you clearly mention that you are looking for a committed relationship.
Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be? If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know? Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time?
And six months after Aron’s study, in which 52 sets of male and female strangers and 19 sets of all-female strangers were thrown together in a lab under these conditions, one pair did exactly that. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say?
The chances are, if you spend four minutes telling someone else your life story in as much detail as possible, and then spend time actively listening to theirs, rather than simply swapping small talk, something will change between you.
Though most of us have the capacity for smooth, easygoing conversation with friends and family we maybe tongue-tied on a first date. You could take a hard copy of prepared list of questions, which is simply gauche and shows your lack of confidence and good manners.